Sigh.

Sometimes, I wish I could change things beyond my control. I don't like this feeling at all.
I feel like I go from the highest high to the lowest low within a day.


I started college. It's the summer session at SDSU. It's also mandatory for my Fall enrollment. At first I was so excited. New people, my professors are nice for the most part, free stuff, new area, more independence; but now I'm just overwhelmed. I have to cram a semesters worth of work into a 5 week session. And it's a class I would never take if I had the option, which is what college is supposed to be about; Options, your own choices, your own classes, your own major, to determine where you'll go. But, I'm stuck in a remedial english class, where I'm passing up all the kids in my class, because I've worked on that subject 3 years in a row. I'm not supposed to be in that class. If only I wasn't sick the day of the placement test. >:/ UGH.

As for the good in it, well there's not much really. Let's see, hmm............OH, okay, I'm learning the campus before everyone. Still a little confusing, especially that stupid Adam's Humanities building. -_- But I'm happy I've learned so much. Hmm, what else? Okay. Yeah. Boys. A really cute one to be specific. Who spends more time talking to me than anyone else in the class. Hmmm? ;) I'm stoked for the Fall semester. I met some AMAZING people in my major. They were Seniors and Juniors I believe, they helped me pick my classes, and register and explained the requirements for it. Tina and Daishanna are in that major as well. :) It's one of the smallest colleges on our camous, so it should be fun. I'm planning on joining the Student Ambassadors. I believe Tina wants to as well? It seems fun. :) And I have decided I want to live on campus next year, no doubt about it. There is no possible way I can experience the college life commuting from my house to campus. Not to mention, I HATE having my moms car then listening to her complain about not having a car use while she's at work. And gas, my gosh, it's ridiculous. So I'll live on campus, be involved, get good grades, meet new people, and learn even more about myself. :) I'm excited.


Tomorrow's a special day. It marks a day where I was the happiest I have ever been, 2 years prior.
Today, not so much, Horrible memories of last year. I really wish I could forget. But they're in my dreams. :O

.....

School Monday. Orientation on Saturday. I've been dreading it because the whole summer thing, but this summer's been a waste of time anyway. I sleep in, play mommy to my niece and nephew during the day, then watch movies or go on the computer at night. I'm so sick of it too. I can't wait til Monday. No more babysitting. I'll have the car. I can go get a job, FINALLY. I want to be more independent. Pay for my own school stuff and clothes and everything else I need. I have been since graduation, but now all my money has been spent on supplies and orientation and gas and other things like that and it's gone. :/ So, I need a job. Hopefully my dad will help out with the Summer tuition by August 24th. If not, I don't know what I'll do. I got a 2 on my AP Eng. Lit. test. If I would've just got a 3, I would have absolutely no worries right now. >:/ I'm tired of babysitting. I get told "Oh it'll only be 2 hours, and I end up babysitting from 9-5. Literally. And I get $20 a week! what kinda crap is that? I could make almost $20 in 3 hours if I charged her the right way. Ugh. I'm venting. I'm over this.

Hmm.

I don't completely understand why everyone thinks that being 18 means it would be a good idea to get engaged or married to the person you're "in love" with. Ridiculous. Out of all 9 young couples that I know of being engaged, or married, right now, there are only 2 that I believe should be, hands down. Vanessa and Jorge and Kayla and Ryan. Not that it's any of my business, or as if my opinion matters at all. I'm just shocked after realizing how many IMMATURE people truly believe they have the mindset to decide something that will change their future forever, for better or for worse. Haha. Most of these people barely even passed high school. >:/ But for the 2 couples that I truly believe are meant for eachother, I wish you nothing but the best and happiness through good times and bad. <3

My summer has been....... uneventful. The most boring summer I've had since I was about 13. All my best friends have their boyfriends to hang out with, and it's ALL they seem to do. -_- It's times like these when I do miss having someone. But then, I realize I start school in 2 weeks, and boys have done nothing but bad for me recently. So unless prince charming happens to stumble my way, white horse and all, I'm not even bothering. :)

School. 2 weeks. I have mixed emotions about it. College. Really? It still hasn't completely hit me yet. I'm sure it will though, fast and hard. I wish I didn't have to take this summer program. That's an extra $1000 I could put towards my car. Which reminds me, I finally got my license. It almost didn't happen because there was no car to test in, until about 45 minutes before the actual test. But it happened. And besides the fact that the guy giving me the test was a complete jerk >:/, I passed and I'm happy now. I suppose. I spent $50 on school supplies today. How? I honestly don't know. It was WalMart too. But I did, and I'm sure I have everything I need, plus much more. I wonder if anyone else enjoys getting new supplies like me. :p I used to think I was so weird for enjoying shopping for school supplies. I find it quite funny. I need to get the rest of my clothes. So far I've bought about, 5 shirts I think? Maybe 4. No jeans. >:/ I hate paying too much for jeans. Hate it. Hate it. But I'll have to give in some time. I need some. And a pair of sandles. Maybe a purse. I want 1 purse to use on a daily basis, instead of switching off. I'm going to have to do that.

Gas is getting expensive again. We've put in $50 in 2 days. :o We've gone a few places, but still. A few months ago $25 would have done the job. Ugh.

I find out tomorrow if we're leaving for Vegas on Thursday. I really hope so. I need to at least say I did at least one thing this summer.

Speechless.

Is it always going to be like this for us?
Will the day ever come when we decide enough is enough?
Being around you is amazing, but it scares me at the same time.
I'm sorry.

Banana Pancakes.

I love getting new clothes. :)
I spent a good 2 hours shopping with Angela on Monday, I only bought 2 shirts and a few Sweet Pea products because they were on sale for $4!
I want to go back and take my time shopping though, but I don't want to spend my money until I have a job.
I'm so weird sometimes.

I've been babysitting all day. I started to clean my room but got distracted once I moved my laptop somewhere new, which led me here.
I found a lot of old letters and birthday cards and pictures hidden in boxes. Some from as far back as middle school.
I kept the good stuff, threw away what I'd like to forget. Haha. Funny.
It seems so weird REorganizing my room. Throwing away all the high school stuff.
Notebooks, flashcards, science journals, etc.
My room is gonna seem empty. But hey, college is less than a month away now.
Gotta prepare for it now.
I have to pay for my orientatioin by July 1st or I'll have to pay more.
Plus, I have the summer admit orientation next tuesday.
Then the registration fees for Summer, loans for Fall, and I STILL need a car.
>:/ UGH!
I take my driving test Friday. Finally. My mom's boss decided to be generous enought to let me use her car for it. She's such a sweet lady. Maybe after I get the license my dad will hurry with this car stuff.
Oh, my ex boyfriend discovered my blog SOMEHOW. >:/
Not exactly thrilled about it, but I guess it's the risk I took writing online.

I need a planner. I honestly never thought I'd say that since I never continued to use my high school one past October. But I honestly do.